This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
