i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
