ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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