we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I checked into jail on foursquare
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize