Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
