He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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