I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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