So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
