Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
50% drunk capacity currently
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
