Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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