I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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