My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
