I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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