Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
