That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
