oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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