I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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