are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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