think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
