Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
