i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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