if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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