here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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