Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
