She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
