I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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