Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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