How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
as a side note pls kill me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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