I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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