I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
