some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
