the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
