I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
