so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize