She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
