Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
