wakey wakey hands off snakey
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Are we still banned from the library?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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