His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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