So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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