I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
