I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
birth control should be required to get into college
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
