Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
