WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
