Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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