Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
