You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
