Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
