Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
COCAINE IS GR8
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize