She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
