So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
