i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
