she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
