And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
