We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
