Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize