Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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