Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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