I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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