my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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