we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
