I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
