i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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