I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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