I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
