I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
