my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
