I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
