I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
