I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
