i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize