Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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