It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize