I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
