Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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