Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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