Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
