Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
