You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
