dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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