saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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