??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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