Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
