The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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