Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize