we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I understand Curling. That high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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