I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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